This dog used to pick up this kitten in her mouth to help the kitten jump up onto the bed so they could hang out together. Obviously, the kitten seemed to enjoy her attention. The arrangement seemed to also be acceptable to the kitten's real mom too.
I believe that as you change yourself, you will completely change the dynamic of the relationship for whoever is involved with you, because you are changing your part of it. Of course it's much trickier to be in charge of yourself when you are the only one is willing or able to experiment to determine criteria of what is valuable, making changes & improvements by yourself. Some believe relationships are shared responsibility; that each person must rely on the other if they are to accept that they are in relationship and both must agree to change. Some people believe in the equally valid idea of a percentage split, that each person is responsible for a certain part of the relationship. Whatever you believe, it will probably influence exactly how you will act to work it out to continue to be in relationship – so it is an interesting point to discuss.
Interesting indeed! :-)
ReplyDeleteSomething like that is currently taking place in my life and relationship as well. (apropos "as well" - is that also true for you, or were you otherwise inspired to this post?)
I believe that some kind of agreement is very helpful to implement changes and keep the relationship going at the same time. Especially when a mutual will arises to figure out together what else could be changed, which often means very "small" things that have accumulated over time. So I see it as a window of opportunity.
Let's see whether this window is open for me and my beloved, and how my belief influences both the chosen approach and the outcome! :-)
Franis, what are your experiences with this?
Yes, recently my relationship went from a traditional role of worker/householder to the more common role where we are now sharing costs. So the tacit agreements about care of the household chores had to be updated also. We settled on the idea of "whoever cooks doesn't have to do the cleanup." Then now we both do some of the heavier cleanup together.
ReplyDeleteI have held this idea for the last ten years, and it's so far been instrumental in many long-term relationships; not just the primary couple ones.
Would you like to read some more of my ideas on relationships? Guess I'll post more of them...